KB and I have been attending an adoptive parent’s
class at our agency the past few weeks. It’s
been so wonderful to connect with other couples who are on the same journey to
parenthood. It may be difficult to believe
or understand this but, at times in this process we’ve felt alone. Very
alone. Hear me – that’s not meant to be a
poor reflection on the amazing love and support our friends and family continually
pour out to us. It simply is what it is.
This class has been such an answer to prayer. The families we’ve met all
have similar hopes and fears. Many have
been through incredibly difficult circumstances in their pursuit of parenthood.
It’s an honor to sit shoulder to shoulder with them each week – the walking
wounded. What a beautiful reminder of
how our can God bring joy out of pain!
We’ve been learning a lot – some information is
new and some is a reinforcement of things we’ve read, heard, etc. One specific topic that’s stood out to me is
language. Positive Adoption Language is
a tool we’ve been given to help clear up common misconceptions about
adoption. I know what you’re thinking: good
grief, MORE PC language! I agree that we
are inundated with mountains of ‘best practices’ when it comes to how we
converse. Yes, at times it’s really
annoying. We all want to speak without
fear that we will be misunderstood, misinterpreted, labeled as close-minded or
worse.
Like it or not, the words we choose can have a
huge effect on others. Personally, I
think it has most significance where children are concerned. We are all guilty of
speaking without thinking (I might have a gold medal in this event). With a little education, I believe a few minor
changes can be made in our language choices that will be hugely
beneficial. Check out this list, y’all. Who would want anyone to refer to their child,
or any child, using the terms on the right? NO ONE.
Positive
Language
|
Negative
Language
|
Birthparent
|
Real parent
|
Biological parent
|
Natural parent
|
Birth child
|
Own child
|
Born to unmarried parents
|
Illegitimate
|
Terminate parental rights
|
Give up
|
Make an adoption plan
|
Give away
|
To parent
|
To keep
|
Biological or birthfather
|
Real father
|
Parent
|
Adoptive parent
|
Child placed for adoption
|
An unwanted child
|
Court termination
|
Child taken away
|
Child with special needs
|
Handicapped child
|
Was adopted
|
Is adopted
|
*For a more extensive list, check out the Adoptive Families Magazine website,
they have a
great PDF with additional info.
Much love,
Annie & KB
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